By the time we’d wrapped the Jordan almonds in circles of tulle tied with pink ribbon, the smile on my mom’s face had faded into the blank emptiness I knew so well; that scared me and made my stomach hurt. The lights were on but the room felt dark.  No more joking around ~ putting tulle on our heads or laughing about how awful the candy-covered almonds tasted, hoping no one would break a tooth biting into one at the reception. Would Aunt Margaret’s dentures come loose? All the giggles stopped in a heartbeat~ and Mom went into her bedroom. I

I watched my in-laws’ tidy bedroom closets fill with suitcases and clothes after each of their parents died. Add to this the odd table, chairs, hutches, and antique Victrola that migrated to the basement family room, which transformed into a maze you’d see in an episode of Hoarders – the couch piled with boxes, the TV pushed into a corner and covered with grandma’s quilted bedspread. The remote lost forever. Everyone is different when it comes to living with material things. When family treasures are involved, it is especially important to respect our differences; they don’t define who we are

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy. Because what we leave behind is part of us. One must grieve for what has gone, before starting something new”  ~ Anatole France ​What day is it? I ask myself each morning. I’m serious. And I have to think carefully before answering. I’m not always right, which is unsettling. I’ve thought about ordering Day-of-the-Week Panties to help ~ I remember having those as a kid. But then, folding them into the mix would require energy I don’t have right now. Do I need to know what day it is? Not really.

On March 1st, I had the pleasure of speaking at Body Bliss Yoga Studio in Camus WA as part of the Ripple Wellness Sunday Meditation Series. I spoke about the importance of releasing fear, lessening our anxiety, and living with a heart-centered focus in times fraught with uncertainty and stress. Introducing an approach I call “vigilant presence” — essentially awakening to the present moment through being responsive as opposed to being reactive. I shared supportive suggestions and techniques including creating a meditation practice that brings you to a safe place in your mind that you can access any time, of

“I soon realized that no journey carries one far unless, as it extends into the world around us, it goes an equal distance into the world within.”  ~ Lillian Smith   Travel saved my life. Or to be less dramatic, travel opened my eyes. Then I made changes to save my life. My mother was an alcoholic. 12 years between me and my nearest older sibling, I was raised practically as an only child, with the burden of responsibility I felt for my mother and loads of fallout landing on my narrow shoulders. I felt trapped in my relationship with her.

(Hint: It’s Not a Resume) As a stay-at-home mom, I used to dread meeting new people at social events. After initial pleasantries, so often the exchange would come to an awkward, grinding halt when they asked me “…and what do you do?” Though I loved raising my children at home I found this occupation to be an immediate conversation stopper. I grew to anticipate the polite smiles, knowing nods, protracted sips of wine and eyes darting for the nearest exit. I became an expert at vanishing in situations where “what I did” was more important than who I was, what